To quote Death Cab, "So this is the new year, and I don't feel any different."
I pretty much don't. The only new thing is this fear of time passing. I've been ready to graduate all year, and anyone that knows anything about me knows that. However, am I really ready? I'm not certain that I am. This life has become so comfortable for me, so routine. What's it gonna be like when all of that changes? I'll be ready for it when the time comes, because I won't have a choice. But what about senior soccer season and potentially college soccer? What do I want to major in? What kind of friends will I have at Union? There seems to be too many unanswered questions for me, and I'm starting to think I'm not as ready for this as I think I am. A year ago, I was halfway through my junior year, and everything was going great. But I'm starting to realize how that seems so recently past, and to think that in another year, I'll be done with an entire semester of college. Time is moving too fast for me to keep up. So I'll go on longing for graduation, but I really don't think I'm ready for it. Then again, at this point in life, is anyone actually ready for everything thrown at them in the first stages of college? I'd be hard pressed to find somebody, as would anybody. Who knows what could happen to me? I certainly don't know, and I've clearly seen through my brother that things don't always go the way we plan. Another quote from Death Cab, "And it came to me then, that every plan is a tiny prayer to Father Time." That might not be divine or spiritual, but it made me realize that all of my plans can't be anything more than simple prayers; I've seen the fragility of life, and I know tomorrow isn't even guaranteed for me, much less the next semester or year. So at this point I'm pretty scared, but I know things will work out, because that's a Scriptural reassurance that I have.
Relationships (friendships) are so difficult. I'm in way too many right now that I simply have no idea what to do about. People just seem so complicated, yet I seem to be the most complicated of them all. I think I struggle to see things from the view of other people; I too often want people to act in a way that would make sense to me. I think I forget that other people have different views on similar things, and that's what makes things so difficult. Realizing how complicated things get with other people makes me simply want to turn and run from everyone. It seems easiest to just get out fast, and that's what I've done for quite some time now. It's rather pointless I believe.
Corey
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