So what do I do from here? Heck if I know. I'll take a test in two days where I fill in like 2000 bubbles, and colleges will know if they should accept me based on which bubbles I fill in. That'll be great, because SO much of a person is based on whether or not he knows the meaning of random words or is able to solve an equation. Then I'll go to college. I'll learn a lot, hopefully, then get a job where I can apply some of the things I've learned in countless hours of classes. Maybe I'll get married, maybe I won't. Maybe I'll have kids, maybe I won't. (I guess the second is conditional on the first.) This reminds me of that scene from City Slickers...
"Value this time in your life kids, because this is the time in your life when you still have your choices, and it goes by so quickly. When you're a teenager you think you can do anything, and you do. Your twenties are a blur. Your thirties, you raise your family, you make a little money and you think to yourself, "What happened to my twenties?" Your forties, you grow a little pot belly you grow another chin. The music starts to get too loud and one of your old girlfriends from high school becomes a grandmother. Your fifties you have a minor surgery. You'll call it a procedure, but it's a surgery. Your sixties you have a major surgery, the music is still loud but it doesn't matter because you can't hear it anyway. Seventies, you and the wife retire to Fort Lauderdale, you start eating dinner at two, lunch around ten, breakfast the night before. And you spend most of your time wandering around malls looking for the ultimate in soft yogurt and muttering "how come the kids don't call?" By your eighties, you've had a major stroke, and you end up babbling to some Jamaican nurse who your wife can't stand but who you call mama. Any questions?"
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0101587/quotes
While this is made to be cynical and humorous, the idea behind it is pretty true, which is really scary to think about. So many people just live life by going through all the motions; they never realize what life is all about. That's not the point I'm getting at though. I want to actually accomplish something that will impact somebody else. Whether I influence 1 or 1000 for the better, let that be my goal!
I'll borrow a quote from a friend- "It's just like Where I am now..... I'm fine. i doubt i will ever experience starvation, and there is all this pressure to get good grades so that we can make something of ourselves......that's not what i want to do... i want to make something out of someone else. To get someone else back on there feet that can't get food that's sick, that doesn't know what joy is."
Well that's pretty much how I feel as well. What is the point of me always setting my eyes on getting the big job, making the big dollars, becoming wealthy or famous? I no longer want earthly things, I simply want to make an influence in this world. I think back on the world and everything that has happened, and I realize just how small I am in this world. There are nearly 10,000,000,000 people in this world, and I'm 1 of them? And how many more have lived throughout the earth's existance? How could I ever justify aiming to satisfy my own desires when I realize just how insignificant my being here is? What gives me the right to take everything that an indescribable Being gave to me and use it for my own good? It's absurd, and I can't live that way. I realize how selfish it is for me to ever say, "I want to travel this road because I see what's in it for me." It's just not about what is in it for me! And it's terrifying how easy it is to be drawn down that path, especially when we live in a world that tells us to serve ourselves in everything we do.
My problem is not with how I go about achieving things in life. I certainly want to be successful and to be able to support a family. However, my question is, "What can I do with my achievements to change someone else for the better?" Because If I am simply serving myself, my life is wasted the minute I die. But how I long to impact someone else, who might in turn influence another, and so on. My heart's desire is to find ways to live this life always remembering that the next life is so much more important, and that I am called to bring everyone along with me to that next stage.
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